


The Jewel of the Isles

by katgryffindor



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Commoner Cosima, Cos from a fishing village in the west, Delphine from the very center of the kingdom, F/F, Princess Delphine, cophine - Freeform, sheltered and naive, they find what they're looking for in eachother, times three, tired of ships and seas and stinking fish, wanting freedom, wow how beautiful
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-02-09
Packaged: 2018-03-05 03:15:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3103499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katgryffindor/pseuds/katgryffindor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One day Princess Delphine is walking in a square when she comes across an intriguing young girl playing music that doesn't bow to her or address her properly, not that Delphine cares. When the guards bring the girl to her, Delphine invites her to join them. And so it begins. (HIATUS AF I AM SO SORRY)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'd like to thank Caitlin (astudyinobsession) for helping me hammer out a few ideas about this fic, she was quite helpful. I'm also very very excited about this, and I hope you all like it. If you did, please leave a comment or a kudos or rec it or bookmark it or something, I appreciate any sort of feedback (katgryffindor on tumblr) and it only helps me get better. I'm only trying to give the people what they want. (fear not, my dears, the prologue and first chapter will be up much sooner than you think! I'm working on them right now)

There are four Isles: North, South, West, East

Delphine’s father is the King of all the Isles, ruling from King's Isle Crossing, directly in the center of the lands. In these lands, it is known far and wide that Delphine is by far the most stunning, the most beautiful woman alive after her mother, the late Queen Aurore. Even when she was but a child she was fair, far more so than any other child she would've been compared to. She has been the Jewel of the Isles ever since she can remember. People journey from all over the kingdom, from foreign lands even, just to look upon her face and see its beauty.

In one year’s time, for her eighteenth birthday, there is to be a tournament. The winner of said tournament will wed her, the Jewel of the Isles, and perhaps one day rule the realm alongside Delphine. Many have entered this tournament: knights, lords, peasants, merchants, all manner of men. But Delphine wants nothing to do with it; she will not simply be wed by whomever it is that best wields a sword or a lance or whatever it is those disgusting men fight with. She wishes to love as she pleases. But her father won't hear about how she doesn't want the tournament. It drives a wedge between them.

When the princess is walking in the square one day, no doubt to escape her father, she meets Cosima, laughing, playing a song in the middle of the street. She fails to bow or address the princess properly, but the Delphine is entranced by the girl, though she says her music is what has her in thrall. They become fast friends, and soon they go everywhere together, Cosima is made bard to the princess for her skill with music and before long, the princess and her bard become lovers. How far will Cosima go to win the tournament when Delphine asks her to enter? How hard will she fight? How hard will her opponents fight to keep her from succeeding? Who knows? People will pay high prices for jewels.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cosima is playing a song in the square when she first sees the Jewel. Let’s just say she’s caught off guard.

| chapter 1 | cosima |

From the time I was eight years old, I traveled the realm with merchants. Over the past eight years, I’ve learned many things and seen many places. But in all the years I’ve seen, all the lands I’ve walked, all the languages I’ve spoken, and all the pretty girls I’ve been with, in all my existence, I’ve never laid my eyes or lips on someone as beautiful as the Jewel.

I had been playing music in the square to buy a dinner that wasn’t fish one day, when I first heard the trumpets signaling an important arrival. I cared not who it was, for I was busy, trying to get a meal in my belly before I had to return to the ship at nightfall. So I played my lute harder, louder, I sang a song that I had learned in the Southern Isles. I’d always loved their music. Eventually I turned my head, and my mouth opened and stayed that way.

I knew who she was as soon as I saw her. Even if I had not been able to see her face, I would’ve known who she was for her milk white steed and the guard that surrounded her bearing the king’s colors. I _could_ see her face though, and she could see me, for our eyes locked, and I felt as though I was under a spell. A halo of blonde hair framed her delicate features, and the sun shining light from behind her made her look all the more angelic. As the song in my head changed to one that was nothing but my eyes on her face, I was too enveloped in singing to her to kneel to her.  

That was my first mistake. I didn’t even notice the two guards approaching me until they hoisted me up from my arms and pushed me down in front of the princess and kicked the backs of my knees until I fell on them, in front of the princess. How rude.

“Kneel, peasant! This is your princess.” one guard said.

“Dirty rat,” another said.

“I’ll have you know I bathe regularly, sirs.” I said, a smirk playing across my lips.

The princess spoke for the first time, “Edwin! That is quite enough.” she said, presumably before one of the guards could strike me. Truth be told, I didn’t really hear what she said. I was far too involved in how she said it. I was thinking about how, even though her words carried the same accent everyone’s in King’s Isle Crossing did, it was far more graceful than any of them. I was thinking that her voice sounded like music and she wasn’t even singing when she spoke again.

“I said:  _enough_ , Edwin; I rather like her. Her music.” she said when the guard mumbled petulantly, correcting herself quickly and blushing slightly. “The girl will join us.” Dumbfounded, I wondered if I’d heard her correctly.

“Would you like to join me?” she asked me, a smile on her lips, presumably at my reaction.

I spluttered annoyingly, unable to get my thoughts across the few feet of space between us, “Yes, of course,” I said, “m’lady.” I added, to be sure.

She held out a hand, obviously intending for me to ride behind her. I flushed at the thought of being so close to her, so I told her I would just walk beside her. I thought she looked a bit disappointed, but it must have been my imagination, for the next moment, her features were neutral.

“Please, call me Delphine.” she said, as we began to walk.

“Delphine. I’m Cosima, of the Western Isles. I have journeyed from afar to come here. Your beauty, however is well worth the long journey. I would make it again without question.” I recited the standard “suitor speech” and bowed jokingly, smiling up at her laughing silhouette, and it felt as though my lungs had been robbed of all their air.

“I must ask, why did you not bend the knee when we entered? I’m not offended, but the guard’s have easily hurt egos.” she said, looking at me curiously, a jovial sparkle in her eyes.

“I’m not from here, m’lady.” I said, “I thought I just told you.” Delphine bristled slightly, and I couldn’t think why.

“First of all, do not call me ‘m’lady,’ I thought I just told you.” she said, “Secondly... you are a brat.” she smiled at me again and I didn’t know how much more of it I could take.

We were like that for hours, walking down the streets, talking, she had me play my lute and sing quite a lot. Some people that passed us gave me coins. I thought it might have had more to do with the fact that I was walking with the princess than them actually enjoying my music, but Delphine assured me that I was quite good. Nevertheless, I soon earned enough to pay for my dinner, for which I was grateful.

“Delphine,” I whispered, conspiratorially.

“Yes, Cosima?”

“Let’s get away these guards. What do you think?” I asked, flashing my teeth at her in a mischievous smile.

“I do not think…” she began, and then seemed to change her mind mid-sentence “Okay, but how shall we do it?”

“Leave that to me, m’lady.”

* * *

| chapter 1 | delphine |

Cosima was intriguing. I didn’t know what about her had drawn me in so deeply. Initially I thought it had been her music, but I had since realized it was more than that. Frustratingly enough, I still didn’t know what it was.

It could’ve been the way her emotion leaked into everything she said. Perhaps it was the way her foreign mouth wrapped around the common tongue. Perhaps it was the way her words made her hands dance. Perhaps it was the way the light caught her face just so when she laughed. Or the way her eyes shone when she asked if I’d like to get away from the guards with her. Or the way her lips invited me to cover them with mine.

What the-?

I almost tripped running behind Cosima as I evaluated how that train of thought had turned so quickly. And into something I didn’t even want. How strange the mind is!

“Cosima! Slow down!” I yelled as I began to slow down. I realized I was clutching her hand and quickly let go of it. “You run so fast.” I said, out of breath.

“You learn to run fast when you grow up the way I did.” she said as she laughed and began lazily skipping backwards in front of me “Come on, we’re almost there!” she said.

“Where is ‘there?’” I asked.

“Not telling. That’s the whole surprise,” she said, getting a little further away from me before adding a cheeky “m’lady”

I groaned and ran after her, “Cosima! You brat, get back here!”

Cosima had been truthful, it was only a few moments before we arrived. In that moment, I was very glad that Cosima hadn’t told me where she was taking me. We had stopped at a river, and when I followed Cosima up the river, we came upon a waterfall.

“It… It’s beautiful, Cosima.”

“Yeah, breathtaking.” she said.

I stood there, taking in the majesty of it, and I ignored the uneasy feeling in the back of my mind. I shouldn’t have, of course, because it was then that my companion pushed me into the water. The silence in the wood was punctuated by my scream and a jolt of laughter from Cosima. I would’ve yelled at her, but I was caught up in trying to dodge her when she jumped in immediately after pushing me.  

We stayed there for as long as it took the guards to finally find us. I was in a bit of trouble for leaving them, but I didn’t care. I had finally made a friend that didn’t work for my father or for me. I was elated, until Cosima looked up at the setting sun, and told me she had to leave.

“Cosima, wait!” I yelled, as she began jogging away.

“Delphine?”

“When will I see you again? Where can I find you?” I asked, the desperation I felt in my chest seeming out of place.

Cosima smiled widely at me, “I’ll be around, m’lady.”

At the moment I was too busy hoping she would indeed be “around” to notice she had, once again, called me m’lady.

Brat.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trouble arises, expect some mild to moderate anxiety.

 

| chapter 2 | cosima |

I fell asleep each night, and I dreamt of Delphine, rather than my usual dream-fare. I dreamt of her eyes, the way they shone when she smiled; her lips, the way they curved around each word that spilled from them; that little freckle at the end of her nose. It was unwise, I knew, to allow myself to be this enamored with anyone, let alone the princess. However, I couldn’t help it.

In my waking hours, Delphine permeated everything, I saw the blue of her dress when I looked out at the water from the ship, I saw the blonde of her hair when I walked through a field. Thoughts of the Jewel dominated every bit of space in my mind. Delphine was everywhere, and try as I might, I couldn’t force myself to even want to think of anyone -or anything- else.

I looked up at the palace, and I wondered if Delphine thought of me as much as I thought of her. Logically, I knew that was implausible. Impossible, even. But still, in my heart-of-hearts, I allowed myself to hope, to dream. I had to stop it somehow. I needed to rid myself of my feelings for her, or even simply dull them if I could. So, I didn’t rush to see her again, as badly as I wanted to. I quickly found another girl to direct my affections toward, if only temporarily. Her name was Nathalia, and she was passing through the city on her way back home in the north the first night we met. I had convinced her to stay, for at least a few more weeks.

Nathalia was… well, she was everything Delphine was not. While everything about Delphine was soft, Nathalia was hard, rough even. Life in the north had forced her to become that way. She spoke as though the she were loathe to say anything. She moved with precise, almost heavy movements. She reminded me of a bear I had once seen in a snowy clearing on a trip with the merchants: dangerous, but intriguing. Nathalia held a quiet air of a dull, perpetual anger like a slow burning fire, but she was beautiful. A pale face framed by straight, almost-black hair, deep-set, icy blue eyes that met a thin, straight nose, and quite full lips (for a northerner.) I looked into her eyes, kissed her lips, and for however long I held her, I did not think of Delphine. And for that, I was grateful.

About a week and a half after we met, I was playing in the square again, singing a song about the snow that was due to fall in the coming months, and I saw a peasant girl that looked… familiar. She was ducking into an alley, and I followed her. Taking obvious care to be quiet and inconspicuous, she was far too worried about remaining unseen to hear my approach. I tapped her on the shoulder and she nearly flew out of her cloak, which I can’t say I wouldn’t have enjoyed. I leaned against a wall as I waited for her to face me.

“Delphine, be still. It’s only me.”

“How did you know?” she questioned, a petulant look on her face as she walked away from me.

“For one, I’m not as stupid as your lack wit guards. Also, I’d recognize the walk of a princess anywhere.” I imitated her gait as I continued beside her, “Head high, shoulders back, prim and proper. Graceful to the death, you princesses are.” For that, I got a heavy push to the shoulder.

“Well, you scared me!”

“Oh, I do apologize,” I said, bowing deeply, “Please forgive me… m’lady” I added, loving the way her face screwed up, like it always did when I teased her.

“Brat.”

Without realizing it, we had begun to drift to the outskirts of the city. We continued walking along the city’s wall for some time, though I could not have said how long. We had been discussing something about the kingdom. Debating one of the finer points of its history, I think, when I realized I was supposed to meet Nathalia, that I had probably become terribly late, but I was nothing but Delphine at that moment. The smell of her, the look of her, the feel of her. At the time I was so blissfully unaware of anything but Delphine’s hand in the crook of my arm that I failed to hear the footsteps quickly approaching us from behind. I felt a delicate but firm hand on my shoulder as I spun violently.

“Woah there-” I began, caught off guard when my eyes met icy blue ones “oh, hi,” I said meekly, adding a timid wave.

“Unhand her! She accompanies your princess!” Delphine yelled, ripping the hood of her cloak from her head “Who do you think you are, attacking a young girl in the street?”

“Her girlfriend.”

Fuck.

* * *

| chapter 2 | delphine |

I’d snuck out of the palace that morning to be alone, as I did once every few months. It was nice to walk among the people as one of them, and not have them bowing at me and calling me m’lady and falling all over themselves to please me. I used the time alone to walk outside the city, find a nice spot in a meadow somewhere, and lie on my back, looking up at the clouds and imagining what it must be like not to be anchored to the kingdom in the way that I was. I yearned for any kind of freedom, any time away from the palace was a blessing. Alas, “As the princess, you must not leave the kingdom if you can help it. Any number of things can happen to jewels when they are not kept safely in their cases.” Father was entirely too protective of me.

I had convinced my handmaiden, Alison, that I was terribly sick so she would leave me to my bed all day, and then I snuck out. I had not seen Cosima in more a week, and if I was being honest with myself, this particular trip into the city was dedicated to finding her. I walked into the square, and there she was once more. Leaning against the stocks, fingers dancing across the strings of her lute. She sang a song that was all at once ingrained into the very essence of my being and completely new to my ears. She wore a simple, grungy outfit: a shirt, pants, and boots. so it was certainly not her clothing that made my heart stop in my chest, but that did not make the reason for my cardiac arrest any clearer. I ducked into an alley, hoping to have some time for my heart to recover and for me to slow my breathing, hoping she had not seen me, but, unfortunately for me, I would not be having any wishes granted that day.

After our encounter in the alley, Cosima and I talked for hours, we must have walked for miles, I had nothing to do, as everyone in the palace thought I was sick. But even if I had, I wouldn’t have done them in favor of being with Cosima. She had far too many stories to tell, topics to discuss. She spoke of lands I had never seen and things I had never dreamed. She told me stories and sang songs of her travels with the merchants and her uncle, of great hulking men in the North, tall and muscular and terrifying on their boats with dragons at the bows, great fish that leapt out of the water beside the ship, the way the water was as clear and bright blue as the sky in some of the places she had been. I could listen to her talk all day, and I could listen to her sing even longer. One of my favorite things about Cosima was probably that she liked to sing nearly as much as I liked to hear it as evidenced by her eagerness to comply each time I asked her to sing something.

Cosima also held an intellectual allure for me. Ever since I was young, people only wanted to befriend me for my looks, but no one was ever interested in having an actual conversation with me. I’ve known Alison for years, she’s my best friend, and even she isn’t interested in discussing much more than trivial or superficial matters with me. But Cosima is. Cosima and I talk for hours about philosophy, science, literature, languages. She’s the only person I’ve met that’s fluent in more languages than myself, let alone that is interested in them. We talked about the plague for twenty whole minutes. In German. I had read about soulmates, and it seemed that Cosima was mine.

Platonically, of course.

We were engrossed in a conversation about the history of the kingdom when a someone attacked her.

“What do you mean ‘her girlfriend?’” I asked, “Cosima, what is this foreign girl talking about?” Before she could answer me I turned back to the taller girl, “Are you touched in the head, girl?”

“Well, actually, Delphine if you could just-” Cosima started.

“Tell her, Cosima.” said the tall girl, from the way she spoke, I could tell she was from the North.

“Yes, Cosima, tell me,” I said expectantly, my arms were crossed now, and as I looked at the shorter girl, I couldn’t help but wonder why on earth I was reacting in such a way.

“Well, first of all, Nathalia, this is Delphine. She’s… the princess. Delphine, this is Nathalia.” the short brunette said, obviously very uncomfortable, “my girlfriend.”

* * *

| chapter 2 | cosima |

There was silence for a long moment. It screamed at me from both Delphine and Nathalia. Delphine and I continued walking, and Nathalia joined us, none of us knowing where we were going. Nathalia threaded her fingers through mine and Delphine grabbed the crook of my arm, much like she had before we had happened upon Nathalia- or rather, before she had happened upon us.

“So, Cosima.” Nathalia began, venom lacing her voice at the same time her words dripped with honey, “Is the princess the reason you left me waiting at the dock for an hour?”

I cleared my throat and disentangled my fingers and limbs from the girls on either side of me; I felt suddenly very hot. “Surely it wasn’t an hour? I swear I had no idea, dear.”

Nathalia merely huffed, seemingly in a dubious acceptance of my lie.

Suddenly Delphine spoke, “Cosima, why didn’t you tell me you were supposed to meet… Natasha? Is it? I wouldn’t have kept you for so long.”

Nathalia stiffened at Delphine’s apparently accidental forgetting of her name.

“My name is Nathalia, princess,” she said through gritted teeth. Delphine hummed.

If I were not in between the two girls, I would have thought the entire situation extremely funny, but as it was, I could not force enough air into my lungs even to speak.

“Tell me more about yourself, Nadia,” Delphine asked, although the way the sentence came out, it didn’t seem much like she wanted to learn about Nathalia at all. The two girls continued much in this manner until I found enough nerve to intervene.

“Delphine, could I- could I talk to you… privately?” I asked, turning to Nathalia and adding, “Only for a moment.” before grabbing Delphine and leading her briskly out of earshot of Nathalia.

“What are you doing?” Delphine almost shouted, “That hurts!”

“Just what do you think you’re doing?” I demanded, letting go of her arm. I hadn’t meant to hurt her, but I was focusing on being angry with her.

“Cosima, what are you talking about?” Delphine was obviously feigning innocence.

“Once again, I’m not as stupid as your lack wit guards, Delphine, you cannot lie to me so easily. Why are you being so crass with Nathalia?” I demanded, putting a special emphasis on the name. I continued before Delphine could answer, even though she had parted her lips to speak.

They looked… so soft… I continued before I could lose my train of thought, “She waited an hour to see me, and when she was finally able to, you go on torturing the poor girl. Can you blame her for wanting to spend time with me?” I thought I saw a look of… something flash across her face at my inquiries, but it was gone as soon as it had appeared as someone came up behind her, calling her name.

“Delphine? Yes! Delphine! There you are! I have long since known about your little ‘excursions,’ but you’ve never stayed out this late before.” it was a girl dressed in the clothing of the servants of the palace. She was probably about as tall as I was, and she looked to be about the same age. “What do you think you’re doing? Giving me a fright like that, I should tell your father!”

“Ah, Alison! Please don’t do that. Alison, this is Cosima, and her… friend, Nathania.” she gestured to Nathalia, leaning against a wall some five or six feet away from us. “Cosima this is Alison, my handmaiden.” Delphine’s expression was all at once that of a guilty puppy and someone who has just been exempt from cleaning out the stables.

“A pleasure to meet you Cosima, Nathania.” she raised her voice to reach Nathalia.

An angrily grumbled “It is Nathalia.” could be heard from somewhere to our left

The girl looked quite similar to me but other than that, I could already tell there was nothing else in common between us. The girl was wound tighter than a clock, it was evident in every line of her face, her posture, the way she spoke. She looked like it was going to take some getting used to being around her.

“The pleasure is mine, Alison.” I used the most charm I could, going as far as to kiss her knuckles. Perhaps it was to get her to like me, perhaps it was to spite Delphine. At the time, I could not have said. Though, I could swear I felt Delphine’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my skull. Nathalia’s as well.

“You remind me a lot of Beth...” Alison said quietly as turned a bright shade of scarlet. I pretended not to notice and she turned to speak to Delphine.

“Well- uh- we… must be going, princess. you’ve got a dress fitting at sunset. Don’t tell me you forgot about the ball!” she added as Delphine’s expression turned confused, then sour, then grimly accepting.

“I remember now,” the blonde said “I’d like to invite you, Cosima. If you haven’t got any chores that night. Uh, it falls on the next full moon, right Alison?” she said, looking at the girl, who nodded impatiently. “Which is, I believe, in a week or two.”

“Of course, Delphine.” I smiled at the blonde, waving my goodbye as she turned and walked away with Alison. “I’ll bring Nathalia.” I could have sworn I saw her shoulders stiffen as she walked further away.

“Goodbye, Cosima. Natalynn.” I could hear Alison correcting her as they walked away, “I believe it’s Nathalia, Delphine.”

“Goodbye, Delphine, Alison.” I choked out between giggles at Nathalia’s reaction to Delphine once again “forgetting” her name. I walked Nathalia to the inn she was staying at, but the entire way, I couldn't stop wondering what had gotten into Delphine, not allowing myself to think the reason was what I truly wanted it to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I made this chapter longer than the first. I hope you enjoyed. If you did, leave a comment or something. If you didn't, leave a comment or something. There will be a lot more chapters where this one came from.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy fluff, not so fluffy fluff. (to be resolved v soon.) ((promise))

| chapter 3 | delphine |

I love my father, I really do. But I had to remind myself of this several times as Alison helped me try on the seventeenth dress of the evening. Fittings have always been my least favorite part of going to balls; not only is is uncomfortable to try on dress after dress, but there’s only so many dresses designed for someone as tall as I am. Hardly any of the dresses ever fit correctly anyway. I looked down, and my chest looked red and harassed, as well it should- Alison has a knack for putting on corsets as tight as absolutely possible, and for that one she made no exception. I could hardly breathe, and it must’ve shown, because Alison loosened the strings just a bit.

“Sorry, dear,” she said, “perhaps we should take a break?”

“No, Alison, I just want to find a dress that fits and flatters and then go to sleep. It has been a long day.”

“Well, do you want to tal-”

“No.”

“Well, okay then,” Alison said, I felt bad for being rude to her, but I couldn’t help it.

“I wish Cosima were here.” I said sulkily.It had been a couple of days since I had last seen Cosima and her… girlfriend, but I was still feeling rather strange about the whole situation. I missed Cosima dearly, but I still felt angry at her for some reason. It was affecting me in a strange way.

“Well, what about N-”

“Alison-” I warned before she could mention the northerner. We exchanged looks, and Alison’s eyes were filled with something I couldn’t quite place.

We heard a voice from the other side of my chamber door, interrupting our silent argument.

“How does this one fit, Delphine? Is it as beautiful as you are?” I love my father, I reminded myself once more. Regardless of how ridiculous he is.

“Come, see for yourself,” I called out, signaling for him to walk in.

“Oh, but darling,” He said with a grand gesture at the gown, or me, “I was completely wrong! This rag is nowhere near as beautiful as my daughter, the Jewel.”

“Father, you know I hate it when you call me that!” I said, not ashamed to pout at him.

“But it is a fitting nickname!” he said, indignant as he is every time I protested his use of the people’s name for me.

“I don’t care, mother named me Delphine, not Jewel. I am not a courtesan or a whore.” Alison gave me a scathing look, but against my better judgment and her warnings, I continued.

“Cosima never calls me ‘Jewel,’” I continued quickly; I was suddenly reminded of something I had wanted to propose to father for some time. “Why do we even have to have a ball to celebrate my seventeenth year? Why can I not travel, as I truly wish?” I looked at him, putting on my most pitiful face. The expression would likely be plastered onto my face for the entirety of the ball, considering the guests would be fawning over me and being disingenuous.

“When your mother died, I promised nothing would happen to you, and you know what Aldous always says-”

“-Terrible things can happen to jewels when they aren’t kept in their cases.” I finished his sentence. It was certainly one I had heard enough from the court medic. “Don’t remind me of Aldous right now. He wants me to stay in the palace almost as much as you do.”

“We only have your best interests at heart, Delphine,” he said, and he looked at me the way he used to when I was younger and I would ask when mother would return home.

“But, father, what if I took knights and members of the guard, and -and Cosima! You know, the girl I met in the square about a fortnight ago.”

“Yes, but Delphine the whole point-” I continued before he could tell me no, as I knew he would, eventually.

“She’s got so many wonderful stories about her travels because she’s been with merchants for almost ten years now.”

“Delphine, the purpose of the ball is for you to meet potential suitors, men to compete in the tournament for your eighteenth year.”

“She told me a story one time about a bear she saw in the north, it was giant! Cosima said the bear was at least ten feet tall, though she is rather short, she could’ve been exaggerating.” I felt my dark mood suddenly lighten at the memory of Cosima’s retellings of her adventures. “Another time she- wait… Father, what did you say?” I couldn’t have heard him correctly; we had discussed this countless times.”

“I said: The ball serves as a way for you to meet possible competitors in your tournament.” he said, and I had to remind myself once more that I love my father. I bit my tongue against some of the things I wanted to say to him- to scream at him.

“Father, I- I don’t want the tournament. I thought you canceled it; we talked about this.” I looked around for Alison to confirm what I’d said, but she had apparently excused herself.

“Delphine, how else are we going to find you a worthy husband?” He asked around a jovial smile. About a thousand other, better ways for me to find someone to marry ran through my head, but I knew my father. If we had already talked about it, and he had already decided against my wishes to begin with, nothing I could say would dissuade him. Normally, I would’ve stopped there, I would’ve given up. But something encouraged me to tell him. to make it clear to Father what I truly wanted.

“Father, there are so many ways! And yet you would sentence me to life with whichever brute you send out there that best wields a sword, or- or that uses his desire to bed me as fuel to win the tournament? Or would you prefer it was somebody that didn’t want me at all, but the throne instead?”

“Delphine, that’s not- that’s not what I want at all. But you’re being childish! We have discussed this. You are a princess, you know how these things go.”

“I want to find someone to marry on my own and live my life with someone that actually cares about me. I need to find someone that sees past me as the Jewel and sees me as Delphine. I can’t stand the thought of being trapped in a marriage with one of those men, trapped in this castle every day! I don’t want this tournament! I- I just-” I paused, collecting my thoughts. “I want to live my life, Father. I want to learn, and grow. I want to go on adventures with someone I lo-someone I care about. I want to travel. I want a chance to find out who I am and learn about our people. And have a chance to be myself and be free before I have to rule our entire nation.”

“When we last discussed it, I told you I would postpone it, didn’t I? And I did. The tournament will happen, and it will celebrate your eighteenth year. You will not leave the city and that is final! Sometimes, as the princess you have to sacrifice some things you want for what your people need. You know that. When did these ideas get into your head?” He seemed, for once, to actually hear what he was saying, because he softened a bit. “Come now, sugarplum… I only want what’s best for you. You know that. Don’t make this so hard for me.”

I love my father, clueless and stubborn and careless as he is. I love my father, even though he cares so little about what I want. Even though he makes the crown feel like some sort of shackle, an anchor. Even though he always makes it feel like it’s my fault that I don’t want to be chained to this kingdom forever.

“Sorry, father. Is that all?” I asked, trying not to sound as defeated as I really was.

“Yes dear, come show me when you find a dress you like.” He called Alison back as he closed the door behind him. “I love you, Delphine.” he said, not seeing the tears welling up in my eyes. It always amazed me how he could, in one minute, be yelling at me, berating me about one reason or another why I wasn’t living up to the standards of a princess, and then in the next minute pat me on the head and kiss my cheek and tell me how much he loved me.

Alison tapped me on the shoulder and held up a dazzling blue dress. It looked like the sky on a warm summer day, crisp and clear and open. I looked at the dress and I couldn’t help but think freedom. One day, I will get out of this damned kingdom, husband or no.

“What about this one, Del?” she asked, tentatively, obviously afraid that I would yell at her as I had just yelled at my father. I wiped my face.

“It’s perfect.” I said.

* * *

 

| chapter 3 | cosima |

As usual, I was playing music when I saw her again. As usual, her beauty struck me. My fingers fumbled over the strings and I probably lost a few coins but it was worth it to spend a few seconds indulging myself as she walked over. Her hair was in a flowing braid, and sunlight and a thin white dress framed her silhouette. Her perfect, flawless silhou- Cosima, focus.

She gave me a small smile as she approached me. A timid wave as the remainder of my audience scattered. Our eyes met and, indeed, it had been far too long since I had looked into her eyes. She sat next to me and I was breathless as the sunlight danced off of tiny specks of gold in her eyes.

“Hello, Cosima,” she said. Something about her seemed strange.

“Um, hello Delphine. Is there- are you okay?” I asked, she only nodded.

“Delphine, come on. Something isn’t right with you today. I know it.”

“Cosima, I don’t want to talk about it.” Something was definitely wrong. Rather than push her any further, I rolled up my sleeves and picked up my lute. I began to play.

“What are you doing?” she looked up at me drearily.

“Cheering up the fair maiden in the only way I know how” I answered, smiling down at her. I swiftly regretted my decision.

After I played the song once, she had me play it again. and again. and again. We spent the rest of the day together, and at random intervals, she would request that I play the song. I quickly grew tired of it, but seeing Delphine’s smile was well worth it. She made the guards listen. We passed a bakery and she made the baker listen. She made children on the street listen. I was glad to have a few moments of peace to myself when they finally came. I was relaxing, matching my breaths to the hoofbeats of the horse Delphine was leading when she spoke and I was terrified that she would ask me to play the song again.

“Cosima,” she began.

“Yes, m’lady?” I tried to hide my apprehension as best I could behind some light cheekiness, but I fear she was not fooled.

“I’m not going to ask you to play the song again.” she said, giggling when I visibly relaxed. “I was going to ask you… if  you- only if you want, of course. Uh, I was going to ask if you wanted to be my bard?”

I laughed, not at the request but because of how nervous she was to make it. I laughed some more when I noticed how red she had turned.

“Delphine, of course. I’m honored.” I turned away from her a little bit and smiled like a fool. Which is why I didn’t see it coming when Delphine flung her arms around me. I was thoroughly surprised and I lost my balance swiftly. I fell onto a bale of hay and Delphine fell- right on top of me. She had propped herself up on her arms and at some point in the day her braid had come out because her hair was tickling my face and all I could see were her lips and her half-lidded eyes as she leaned down ever so slowly. I could feel my heart rate pick up and I was amazed that she couldn’t hear it. I was very tense; I dared not move a muscle, lest Delphine change her mind about whatever it was she was about to do. I didn’t have to wonder for long because, at that moment, she blew a piece of hay off of my forehead and back onto the ground.

“Sorry Cosima!” she said as she got up, dusting off her dress, “I guess I should have waited until you were looking at me, no?” she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear and smiled nervously down at my still-bewildered form.

I was speechless as I got up. I waited for my heart to slow its pace before I responded with a quiet “I’m sure it was me.” I brushed off my clothing as we continued to walk down the street. People had the good sense to pretend they hadn’t been staring as we passed, thankfully. I could only stand so much embarrassment, and the way I had reacted just then was enough to last me a few lifetimes.

“Cosima!” I heard a voice from behind me and I don’t know if I audibly groaned but I think I might’ve. I had reason to, considering it was Nathalia calling me. If the last time these two had been close to each other was any indication, this was not going to go well.

“Hello Delphine.” she said, nodding her head and giving a slight bend that might’ve been interpreted as a bow if I had been squinting hard enough. Delphine did not acknowledge her, save for a weary nod of her head and a terse “Naomi.” They seemed, civil, if tense, which was a good sign.

“How are you today, Nathalia?” I asked, trying to breach the tension between the two girls. “Delphine’s just asked me to be her personal bard.”

Nathalia’s features remain unimpressed. “And?” she asks.

“She said yes, of course, Nathalia.” Of all the times Delphine could’ve chosen to use Nathalia’s actual name, this was the one? Nathalia looked as surprised as I’m sure I did, but she fired back a response nonetheless.

“Do you have a problem with me?” Nathalia looked over at her, and I had never seen blue eyes look colder.

“What gives you that idea?” Delphine asked, batting her eyelashes. Delphine, no.

“If you weren’t the princess-”

“What if I wasn’t the princess?”

“Why? So you can have your guards beat me?” Nathalia looked as though she was daring Delphine to do just that.

“Just give me a reason, snowflake.” Delphine had a similar look on her face. I tried not to laugh at the fact that she’d called Nathalia snowflake. It snows a lot in the north, but snowflake?

“You’ve had it out for me ever since you met me! Did I do something to you, your highness?” she finished her question with mockery on her lips and ice in her eyes. Delphine looked as though she was either going to cry or scream.

“Enough!” I yelled, stepping between the two girls as they lunged for one another.

“Nathalia, please. Go.” She shot me a hurt look, but I told her I had to deal with Delphine and I would see her later. After I sent Nathalia off, I found Delphine sitting against a smithery, burning a hole in the wall opposite her.

“What is your problem?” I asked, “You were fine, not two minutes before Nathalia showed up and then -what?”

“It’s nothing, Cosima.” she said, but this time I wasn’t going to take no for an answer; Delphine had hurt Nathalia and she had hurt me, and I wanted to know why.

“No, Delphine, you’re not going to get off that easy. Why?” It’s not like Nathalia or I did anything to her. Or-...?

Delphine opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “Is it… Is it because we’re both women?” I couldn’t look at her because if her expression proved me right… I didn’t want to think about it. “We’re friends, so I suppose you don’t want to insult me directly, but you don’t have a connection to Nathalia. Is that why, Delphine? Is it because she’s a woman?” I prodded insistently.

When I finally looked at her, I could see a panic in her eyes, “No! Cosima, look at me, I swear, it isn’t-”

“Then what, Delphine? Why are you being so foul to Nathalia and I? Are you… jealous?” at this, red colored the blonde’s neck and face.

“No! No of course I’m not.” she said, eyes darting around nervously, “jealous.” she repeated, scoffing.

“Well then what is it, Delphine?” I asked again, almost yelling this time.

“I-” she started.

“You don’t know, do you?” she simply shook her head. I mirrored her movements “It showed.” At this, Delphine got up, found her horse, and left. I sat there for a long time, wondering what exactly her problem was.

\-----

| chapter 3 | delphine |

I walked my horse to the stables, saying hello to the stable boy, Felix as I left. His sister, Sarah, would usually have been there with him, but I was in no mood to ask about her whereabouts.

"Put her in the pasture, Felix," I said, "she hasn't eaten."

"Yes, m'lady," He said, taking the lead from my hands.

I left my horse with him and I entered the palace. Walking into my chamber, I was immediately reminded of the fight I'd had with Father. I crawled into my bed, the fight I'd had with Cosima still fresh on my mind. I laid on my back and flashes of the day came back to me slowly. I remembered the song Cosima had played for me. I remembered hugging her, and almost- no. I hadn't almost kissed her. That's absurd. Right?

I remembered the dazed way she'd looked up at me and the way her hair looked as it spread out beneath her head. I felt my heart race as though I was back in Cosima's arms. I think... I think I wanted to kiss her.

But that's normal though, isn't it? She's my best friend, after Alison. It's not like I wanted to kiss her the way Nathalia would've kissed her. I- I just wanted.... I didn't know what I wanted, and Cosima's words from earlier in the day echoed through my thoughts it showed.

I felt like such a fool; I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did with Nathalia, and then with Cosima. But she was being ridiculous- they both were. How could Cosima even suggest that I didn’t like Nathalia because she’s a woman and Cosima’s a woman. Or worse even, how could she suggest that I’m jealous of her? Why would I be? Cosima would realize her folly.

I heard a knock at the door. “Go away! I do not wish to speak with anyone.” I said. Unfortunately, whoever it was that had knocked would not be deterred so easily. the door opened, and I watched as Alison walked to the edge of my bed. “I said: leave.”

“What’s wrong Delphine?” she asked, the tone in her voice suggesting she knew the answer. I wished she would tell me. “You’re never like this.”

“Alison, please, just leave.” I repeated and rolled over so my back faced her.

We sat in silence for a moment, Alison rubbing my back gently. I didn’t realize I had begun to cry until I spoke.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Ali.” I turned back over to face her and I continued crying. “What’s happening to me?” I looked up at her and it looked as though she wanted to say something, but instead, she gathered me up into her arms and held me to her. It was comforting, so I tried not to think of the fact that she was at least a year younger than me and no less that five inches shorter.

With the tournament, the ball, and now Cosima, it felt like everything had come crashing down at once. I was glad for a moment of solace.

“Hey, Alison! You ready to go?” Beth hung from the frame of the door by one arm while she gestured behind her with a thumb.

“Just a minute, Beth. Wait for me.” Alison said.

“You can go, Alison.” I said quietly, “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” She asked. I knew it was more of a courtesy though, considering she had already gotten up from the bed.

I nodded, “Thanks, Ali. Go have fun.” she reddened, and I couldn’t think why. She and Beth were just going to their riding lesson.

I sighed and fell back on my bed, falling asleep quickly.

* * *

 

| chapter 3 | cosima |

As I walked back to the ship, images of Delphine flashed before my eyes, and I was angry. I couldn’t help but wonder why Delphine had been acting the way she had, and none of my theories really made sense.

I walked onto the glorified boat and my father looked at me with worried eyes.

“Cosima, what’s wrong?” he asked. Sometimes, it was a good thing that he knew me so well, other times, like now, it wasn’t.

“I- I don’t want to talk about it, father.” I said, and I knew that wouldn’t be the end of it, but it at least bought me some time while I ate my dinner.

Later, I was walking to my quarters, and I had started crying, because I was almost there, behind closed doors, what was a few feet? Apparently, it was enough for my father to see me and refuse to let me pass until I told him what was the matter. So, I did, because I didn’t have enough energy to try and convince myself or my father that nothing was wrong.

“Everything is terrible, father.” I said, “I- I wish mother were here.” I burst into tears against his chest. He took me into his arms and carried me to my bed.

“Shh, Cosima. Everything will be alright.” he said, “I wish your mother were here too, but we both know she had to stay home with the children.” I was still crying, so I simply offered him a nod.

“Will you still be going to the ball?” he asked gently.

“Should I?”

“Well, it would be a shame for such a beautiful dress to go to waste, wouldn’t it?” I could hear his smile in his voice.

“What dress?” I asked, confused.

“That one,” he said as he pointed to a purple dress hanging on the backside of the door.

“Father, when did you-” he hushed me before I could continue.

“I heard you talking about the ball earlier and I went out and got you a dress.” He said proudly, “Do… do you like it?” he added, obviously and adorably nervous that I wouldn’t.

“I love it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, i'd like to thank astudyinobsession. :) and I'd like to say sorry for the unresolved notfluff. NEXT TIME, MES AMIS.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE BALL, PUNKYMONKEY CUTIES, AND FLUFF. WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR?? UGH STAB ME DIRECTLY IN THE CHEST SO MUCH FLUFF

| chapter 4 | cosima |

I looked at my reflection one last time before exiting my room. It had taken me at least six tries to perfect my eyeliner and there was always at least one strand of hair that refused to cooperate. It was quite a relief once everything was in its place. My dress was long and dark blue and my hair was drawn up, and my eyeliner had finally been perfected. I looked stunning, and my father confirmed as much with tears in his eyes.

“Father, don’t cry,” I said, “It’s only a ball.” In my head, it sounded much more comforting than it was.

“Yes, only a ball, only your first ball. You’re only about to turn sixteen! It’s all of no significance,” he said, and I couldn’t help but feel bad for him. I knew he would be exactly this emotional when my younger sister went to her first ball. “It seems that not so long ago you were still waiting at home with your mother for me to return home. How did you grow so quickly?” he said, as his arms pulled me into a warm embrace.

“That is the nature of childhood, Father, it is only so long,” I said as I attempted to gently disentangle myself from his arms, “but if you don’t let me go, I’m going to be late.”

As it turns out, I was already late. At first, I was a bit worried, but nobody really noticed my late arrival. Nobody, that is, except for Nathalia. Due to my lateness, however, we had no time for idle conversation. I greeted her, told her that she looked ravishing, and met Alison at the door. We walked into the Great Hall and I was immediately stricken by the size of the room. There was no furniture, save for the giant table. The table was so large, in fact, that I was wholly unconvinced when Alison told Nathalia there was no room for her.

“Nonsense, Alison!” came a booming voice from behind me, accompanied by the smell of wine and two large hands on my shoulders. If I had been wearing trousers I would almost have soiled them.

“Your Grace,” Alison acknowledged the drunk king with a bow.

“Your Grace,” Nathalia and I rushed to follow suit.

“Oh, stop that, you silly girls. Get this fine young woman a chair for her friend, Alison!” He laughed, seemingly for no reason and went off. I assumed he was on the hunt for more wine.

“Right this way, Nathalia.” Alison said, and by the look on her face, I could tell Delphine had instructed her to find Nathalia a very special seat indeed. Anger flared up in my chest and I could feel my cheeks coloring.

Special it was, unfortunately, Nathalia’s seat, by will of some malevolent god, was clear at the other end of the table from me. I sat across from Delphine, to whom I had not spoken since our fight, and a boy named Felix, who I quickly learned was the girl to my left’s younger brother. I was in a position I truly did not want to be in, considering my girlfriend was at least thirty feet away from me and I could still feel the heat of her anger radiating from her pores. To my left was a girl about my age with eyes and skin about the same color as mine, although her hair was much… wilder.

She introduced herself to me as Sarah, daughter of Siobhan of the Emerald Isles, in the Northwest. I was impressed. I hadn’t heard a lot about Siobhan before that night but sitting next to Sarah would remedy that, certainly. I heard many stories from Sarah before the food was served. Most of the stories involved intense heroism and bravery and fierce skills as a warrior. Entirely uncommon for a woman, by Sarah’s admission. She wouldn’t have admitted it, I could tell, but she was very proud to be Siobhan’s daughter. I found myself smiling, in my village, my mother was viewed in the same regard, and I was equally as proud to be her daughter.

Sometime during Sarah’s second story, I felt eyes burning into my face, and for some reason, I knew it was Delphine staring at me. However, when I looked at her, her eyes were firmly planted on Felix, who was describing to her, in detail, the feeding routine of her stallion. It happened several times. I didn’t understand why she would be staring at me, considering she was still probably mad at me for yelling at her. I scoffed: she was the one in the wrong. I couldn’t comprehend why she was even mad at me in the first place, I had only brought to her attention how much of an idiot she was being. _What a beautiful idiot_. I scoffed again, reminding myself that I was supposed to be angry with her. Apparently my scoffing was ill-timed in regards to Sarah’s hunting story because she elbowed me and shot me a look.

“Oi! You even payin’ attention?” I could see Delphine straining to look as though she was paying attention to Felix while paying attention to me out of the corner of my eye.

“Uh, yeah. There was a moose, I think?” At least I tried.

Sarah was not amused. She huffed and loaded her spoon with the mashed potatoes that had just been sat down next to her, elbowing me one more time and mumbling something about how rude I was. Delphine giggled, and it was then that I resolved to just stare at her until she inevitably tried to sneak a look at me again, which would be in about a minute. I was right; hazel eyes slowly made their way from her plate to mine and then up to the smug look on my face. I winked at her when we finally made eye contact.

“M’lady.” I smirked.

Delphine swiftly looked away, her cheeks as red as the beets on the end of her fork. I ate my food and continued swapping stories with Sarah. I told her about the great whales that Father and I had seen on the voyage here and how they were at least as long as our ship. She nearly spat out her beans. Sometime after that story, I felt something nudge my foot. I looked at Sarah.

“Was that...you?” I asked, curious.

“Was… what… me?” she looked at me and I think she may have been a little perturbed at my disturbing her from her meat. I never understood why knights and their kin were so carnivorous, but her and Siobhan were thoroughly enjoying the roast.

My eyes made their way across the mountain of food between Delphine and I, and I could tell she was blushing again, quite furiously. She was looking down at her plate and pretending that nothing had happened. So, I did the only logical thing I knew: I nudged her foot right back. She visibly tensed, but still refused to look at me. Then, when I went back to looking at Sarah, listening to something she was saying about swordsmanship she’d learned from her mother, I felt another nudge against my foot. This went on for about five minutes before the king stood up and made an unsteady toast. I wasn’t paying attention, so I spared a quick glass at Nathalia, nudged between what seemed like two of Delphine’s younger siblings or cousins. She noticed me and from the look she gave me, I could tell that she had seen Delphine and I doing… whatever that was.

The king got perhaps five words into his undoubtedly terrible speech before a very harassed-looking servant walked up to him and whispered something in his ear. He left immediately, and consequently, most of the table followed him, to see what all the fuss was about. I had no plans to leave, so Delphine did just that. Sarah got up and slipped a few drops of something into the king’s drink on her way out behind her mother and Felix. Before I had time to worry about whether or not Sarah had just poisoned the king, a very visibly angry Nathalia marched over to me.

“Cosima!” she yelled.

“Yes, dearest?”

“I saw you.” she said, and I knew what she was talking about but I’d had a glass of wine already and I wasn’t terribly bothered.

“Yes, and I saw you. I’m seeing you right now, in fact. Strange how eyes work, eh?” I smiled a little bit at the flames in her eyes, contrasting with her blue irises.

“Honestly, Cosima, do you ever take _anything_ seriously?” she said, red in the face, and stomped back off to her end of the table. I would’ve gone after her, but the king had just reentered the room and everyone was expected to find their seats.

* * *

 

| chapter 4 | delphine |

It showed.

The words had been echoing around in my head all week. I had been analyzing the fight all week but try as I might, I couldn’t formulate a response. I knew I should’ve just apologized to Cosima, but how could I do that when even _I_ didn’t know why I was behaving so strangely? Surely I could lay blame on the tournament, and my birthday, and just the general stress of being a princess. However, I still had yet to tell Cosima about the tournament and up until now, I had managed princess-stress rather well. I didn’t accept that as the reason, and I knew Cosima wouldn’t either. I spent the past seven days trying both to formulate an apology and trying to find a reason why I should truly be angry with Cosima. I was unsuccessful in both fields.

So, I spent the entire first course of our meal trying to think of a way to apologize to Cosima while trying not to stare at her for too long. I was largely unsuccessful considering I had -unconsciously, of course- initiated a round of who-can-nudge-the-other’s-foot-last. I was sure I hadn’t stopped blushing since I sat at the table. When father got up to follow Scott out of the room, so did I. As soon as the doors opened, I knew what it was. I immediately brought my hand to my nose.

“FISH INTESTINES? ON MY FRONT STEP?” Father screamed, “I can’t believe this, who -who _dares_ to pull some… some practical _joke_ on me on the day of my daughter’s ball?!”

Unlike Father, almost everyone that had accompanied him out of the Great Hall found this to be extremely funny, including me. It’s not like there were warriors hiding in the fish guts, waiting to attack us, it was just fish intestines. And honestly, it was a damn good joke. I had my suspicions concerning who had played it.

I didn’t want to think too much about her, but it seemed that even the slightest of things brought her back to the forefront of my thoughts. I certainly couldn’t not think of her when she was sitting right in front of me. _Cosima._ I thought of my seat at the table and the view I had.

She looked amazing in the dress she wore. It was blue, but unlike my dress in that it was several shades darker. It reminded me of the night sky, dark and endless. It was also unlike mine in that the corset was very tight. It certainly complimented her… supple... figure… not that I was thinking of… that. I was just thinking of how her dress, with its dark fabric and design, made her look like a goddess. Nyx. I wasn’t admiring her body in comparing her to a goddess, although I was sure it was near-flawless, it was just that Nyx is always depicted as wearing the night sky in her dress…

_What the hell?_

I considered the fact that my evening dress, for the ball, was almost as tight as hers, it would hug what little curves I had. In that moment, I was jealous, once again, of Cosima’s figure. I reminded myself again that I was definitely not thinking of Cosima’s figure… just admiring her dress. Especially since I was still mad at her. Though the reason why became increasingly unclear the longer I sat at the table and tried not to look at her.

We walked back into the Great Hall and I sat down. It seemed to me that Cosima was purposefully avoiding eye contact with me. My theory that she had sent the fish was confirmed when she and Sarah whispered into each other's ears with matching mischievous smiles on their faces. Cosima held her hand up in the air and Sarah slapped it. I smiled gently. I looked at Cosima for a moment too long and she noticed and winked at me again, I knew my face was a deep red. I cursed my skin for being so quick to color.

Everyone finished their dinner after that, and the servants came in and served the pie. I smiled at Alison as she switched out my plates. I had offered her a seat next to me, but it seemed that she preferred working in the kitchen on feast days. I didn’t blame her, after all, Beth worked in the kitchens.

Soon after everyone started in on their pie, Father shot up from his chair. The look on his face was one split almost directly down the middle. His expression was in-between pure, unadulterated rage, and sheer terror. I did not know what to do in that situation, and I had no time to evaluate as he left the room almost as quickly as he left his seat.

“Father?” I called after him.

“Uh.. Just- Ah! Just continue without me!” He called out as the heavy doors closed behind him and Sarah and Cosima led the everyone at the table in uproarious laughter except Siobhan, who tried to look stern, but ended up smiling ruefully at her daughter and her new friend.

Brats.

* * *

 

| chapter 4 | cosima |

The king did not return from his chamber until the Great Hall had been cleared of the extremely large table and guests had started to arrive for the ball in Delphine’s honor, and even though he had returned, he still left his seat every twenty-odd minutes. Sarah and I continued celebrating our individual victories and talking as if we had never left the table. We danced a few times, and for someone that spent most of her time practicing balance, whether it be with her sword or on her horse, Sarah had a rather choppy, aggressive way of dancing.

At some point, Sarah introduced me to her mother, who chastised us lightly for our jokes.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Cosima, but you mustn’t do such things to _the king,_ ” she looked at Sarah now, “And you, Monkey, I thought I had taught you better than that.” We both stood there somewhat awkwardly, trying not to laugh until Siobhan joined us. The woman called Felix over and introduced him and we all delighted in the king’s misfortune every time he left.

Some time after the king returned, again, I heard a fanfare from one of the doorways, and Delphine returned too. Her return was… Her return was spectacular, and it wasn’t because of the fanfare. Until that night, I hadn’t believed too firmly in angels, but I would have been a fool not to believe in them after Delphine floated onto the dance floor on the arm of someone called Sir John. Her blonde curls framed her face, and they looked more like a halo than any angel’s. Her dress was long and soft-looking, a cut similar to mine except where it met her waist and layers of fabric and wire made it very large. John spun her around, and I swear she had wings. I noticed him look down at her chest when he thought it was safe, and I didn’t blame him. I also appreciated the tightness of her corset. Nathalia walked up to me and physically closed my mouth. I felt my cheeks color.

“I- uh- I was just” Nathalia sighed and Sarah burst into laughter.

“Save it, Cos. No amount of babbling can cover _that._ ”

Nathalia walked toward the refreshment table, “I like that one,” she said. Sarah beamed, I elbowed her in the ribs. Sarah and I talked with Nathalia for a long time, and it seemed like everyone was having a really enjoyable time. We danced to a few songs, but for the most part we just talked and drank wine.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Nathalia grabbed my face and pulled me in for one of the most aggressive and possessive kisses I’ve ever received. I heard a gasp from behind me, and though I was quite sure I knew who was there, I still broke from the kiss to turn around.

_Delphine._

* * *

 

| chapter 4 | delphine |

I’ll admit: I was fairly drunk.

But I had finally thought of something to say to Cosima. I had finally built up the courage and walked over to her and then Nathalia _that bitch_ went and did… well _that_. I turned around and ran -as fast as my dress and shoes would allow me- out of the Great Hall.

“Delphine!” I heard Father call after me, “Delphine, come meet Sir -what was your name again?- Sir Paul. Come meet him.” I ignored him and continued to run out to the garden.

A few minutes passed before I heard footsteps and breathing behind me.

“Delphine?” the voice called out. It was Cosima: the last person I wanted to see.

“G-g-go away, Cosima!” I yelled through tears. “Nathalia probably misses you.”

She sat next to me, and I felt her hand on my back. It was surprisingly warm, but it was probably to do with the cold of the night.

“Now, now, Delphine. That was low.” She was joking, and I could hear the smile in her voice. it didn’t stop me from reacting the way I did.

“Low of me? What of _her_?” I looked back at her, and she looked beautiful. the light of the moon shone from behind her, and her pale skin was almost glowing in it. I tore my eyes away.

“That was… yeah.” Cosima spoke softly, and I couldn’t read her tone. I figured that then was as good a moment as ever.

“Cosima, I- I’m… I’m sorry. For everything.” I stuttered, and Cosima didn’t even have to ask what I was apologizing for. She just drew me into her arms and let me sob into her a little. I blamed my tears on the fact that I was drunk, but I didn’t know how true that was.

“So am I, Delphine. I was rude… and out of line. I shouldn’t have yelled at you, And I just- I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Cosima; you were right. There’s just so much going on, and there’s this tournament Father is planning, and you showed up all of a sudden. I don’t know what’s wrong with me… and I _don’t_ know w-what I want… but I- I think I want y-”

I was floundering, drowning, _definitely_ panicking. I couldn’t think of the words I wanted to say, especially not with Cosima looking at me. Not like _that_. My mouth went dry.

And then Cosima kissed me. I won’t lie and say I’d never considered it before, never thought of how soft her lips would feel against mine, because I definitely had. It had all been in my deepest daydreams or even in actual dreams, but even in my wildest imaginings, I would never have guessed that kissing Cosima would be like that. She kissed me, and it was soft and sweet and gentle at the same time it was firm, strong without being overpowering. I can only describe the next moment as my lips melting into hers. My entire _body_ melting into hers. Her thumb caressed my lip, I relished in the feel of her fingertips ghosting across my jawline and-

There was a rustling from somewhere to our left, probably some sort of animal, and Cosima jumped back from me as though I had burned her. I felt a lot more cheated at this new development than I’d ever thought I would. I felt irrational anger at an animal for the first time in my now seventeen years.

“Elizabeth! Be _careful_. You never know who could be- Oh my… Hello, Delphine.” Alison looked even more flustered than I’m sure I did.

“Good evening, Alison. It’s -er... rather nice out tonight, isn’t it?”

“Uh, yes, Beth and I were just… were just…”

“picking some lavender.” Beth supplied, Alison nodding profusely

“…for the tea. In the morning, everyone’s sure to have a wine headache.”

“Yes, the sapphic hangover tea.” Beth mumbled. I hadn’t the slightest idea what she meant, but Alison’s eyes went wide and Cosima stiffened even more than she already was.

“Ah, definitely. Good thinking, Ali,” I commended. “I was just... admiring the night sky. With Cosima”

“Well, Beth and I had better get back to the kitchen!” Alison rushed out as she grabbed Beth’s hand and dragged her through the doors mumbling something about being more careful next time. I didn’t understand why; they had just been picking lavendar. They were going to make tea.

“Cosima,” I began, but she cut me off.

“Delphine, listen. You- I- You don’t know how much I’ve wanted that but, like… I know that you- that you’re no-”

I kissed the words from her mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DELPHINE SAID NAH SON YOU FINNA KISS ME AGAIN FUCK NATASHA sorry i just got really excited about that.
> 
>  
> 
> ps i surprised you guys with the soccercop again huh? (I LOVE SOCCERCOP)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there is a significant miscommunication between the girls.

| chapter 5 | cosima |

I woke up the next morning and I could almost not see for the brightness of the sunlight stabbing me in the eyes through the porthole. I turned over. Wretched porthole. Can’t be covered because “Why do you need a curtain for an eight-inch hole, Cosima?” I had _just_ drifted back into my fitful sleep when my father burst in.

I had meant to tell Father that I was not ready to wake up, instead I only managed to groan.

“Now, Cosima, get up!” the booming of his voice sounded much louder than I knew it was, but I had a terrible headache.

“Father, no, I beg. I would also beg that you speak quieter.”

He laughed at that. “Would you sleep away _all_ your days if I were not here to waken you?”

I slowly sat up in my bed; I knew that if I did not, I wouldn’t get him to shut up, and every word he spoke felt like a knife in my ear.

“Alright, I’m up! Do you see me, Father?”

“The great dragon has arisen!” he exclaimed, I did not respond, save for another groan.

He smiled as he left me alone to dress, “Perhaps you shouldn’t drink so much wine at the next ball?” He winked and closed the door, too quickly for me to throw a shoe at him.

When I had a few moments to dress and relax, the night before came back to my memory in brief flashes. I pulled my undershirt on,

_Delphine across the table._

I slipped on another layer over it, blue,

 _just like the wonderful shade of her dress_.

I tugged my pants up over my legs, sore from dancing,

_the way her skirts twirled as the boy she danced with spun her around and around._

I heard the crew above deck as I pulled on my shoes, singing their merry songs and preparing the goods for the day,

_the sound of her sobs as I followed her out of the ballroom and into the garden._

I pulled a peach from the cook’s hand as I walked past him and above deck,

 _the softness of her lips as she melted against me_. I stopped dead in my tracks.

I had kissed the princess. I had _kissed_ the Jewel of the Isles.

this was a terrible situation. Of course, Delphine would not -could not- return my affections. I had surely ruined everything with this. Delphine would probably remember just as much as I did, and surely she was appalled. I gasped, she would surely have told her father by now; he would have my head. I turned around, intending to go directly back to my room.

“Ah, ah, ah, Cosima! Get you out of this boat. I don’t want to see you here again ‘til... sunset.” he decided. I wanted to scream at him, to shake him. I wanted to tell him there was no way I could leave today, I had kissed the king’s most precious _Jewel_ and he was probably out searching for my walking corpse this very moment! Instead, I walked outside, and upon noticing a summons by the Princess posted outside, I calmly walked down to the water, knelt down, dunked my head in, and screamed absolutely as loud as I could. Unfortunately, I only relieved only a fraction of the constricting tightness in my chest.

Immediately after I dried off, I set out to the forest. Granted, I was heading to the place I had taken Delphine on the first day I met her, but I doubted she even remembered it. I weaved in and out of peasants and guards and every time I even so much as looked at a guard I recited every prayer my father had ever taught me. I prayed to all the gods in all the heavens that I could be invisible. As far as I know, it worked. At least until I reached the waterfall.

* * *

 

| chapter 5 | delphine |

I had spent so long worrying the sleeve of my dress; I was surprised it hadn’t torn.

“What do you mean, ‘no sign of her?’”

“I have searched the entire city, your grace.” he looked up from where he was kneeling.

“Please get up, and I beg of you, Arthur, call me Delphine. You knew me when my mother carried me,  I should think you would be able to use my name without cringing.”

“Your- ah, Delphine.” He nodded respectfully. I had tried to convince the people under my father to call me by my name since before I had seen ten years, but some still stubbornly carried on with the ‘Your Grace’s and ‘Jewel’s. Arthur was one of them.

“Arthur, please, go look again, perhaps if you have tired of searching, you could send out Sarah Manning and Beth Childs. They could certainly use the practice.”

“Yo-” He shook his head slightly, correcting himself, “Delphine.”

I walked over to the bed where Alison was sitting and laid down next to her.

“Alison, what am I doing? What have I done?” I asked. Before she could answer, I continued, “Cosima obviously doesn’t want to see me. I’ve probably ruined everything.”

“Oh, hush now, Delphine! You’re probably overreacting. I’m sure there is a perfectly good explanation.”

“Like what, Ali?” I turned over onto my stomach and groaned into a pillow. I could feel Alison’s hand on my back. I pouted some more. 

“What if you just went on a walk, Delphine? Clear your head?”

“That’s a good idea, Alison. I’ve been in this damn castle all day. I need to loosen up. I mean, I posted the summons where she would see them as soon as she came outside. Perhaps she still hasn’t woken up.”

As I got up, I could’ve sworn I  heard Alison say something that sounded like “It’s almost three hours past midday, so I doubt it.” but I chose to ignore it.

I walked for a long time, I didn’t pay attention to where I was going. I just walked, I was aware, enough so not to run into people or buildings, but not enough so to do anything else. When I registered a change in the way the sunlight fell around me, I looked up, and I laughed when I realized I had walked into the woods. The same woods Cosima and I visited on our first day together.

Why hadn’t she come? Was it me? I didn’t like to think of the fact that she had initiated the kiss; it just made the entire thing more confusing in my mind. First of all, she was drunk. She may very well not have known what she was doing. I had seen many mistakes made in the midst of a drunken stupor. I really hope that wasn’t a mistake. I had thought the same of myself earlier in the day, but something told me that was not the case. I may have been drunk, but I knew what I was doing. I wanted to kiss Cosima. I rejoiced in the feel of her lips against mine. And if she had initiated the kiss, then why hadn't she followed the summons? Why wouldn't she be eager to see me again?

I had tried and tried that entire day to think of a good reason for Cosima to ignore me. I had failed. The only reasons I had come up with had pushed me to tears. As I walked into the waterfall’s clearing I felt those same tears running down my cheeks.

The water looked just as it had the first day Cosima and I had been there. Without thinking, I undressed, and jumped into the clear blue pool. I swam to where the waterfall emptied and stood under it for a long moment, letting the water wash over my face and body. It was a little colder than the air on land, but it was refreshing, and before I knew it, my thoughts were clear.

I heard a rustling from somewhere behind me. I ducked into the water so that only my head was not in it, “Who’s there?” I called out.

“Delphine?”

“C-” my voice broke and I cleared my throat, “Cosima?”

“Yeah, it’s- uh… it’s me.” I was astonished, and honestly a little angry with the other girl.

“Cosima, what are you doing here?”

“Ahh, Delphine! As I am the one that showed you this waterfall, and I come here far more frequently than you, you had your answer before you asked the question. What we do not know, is why _you_ are here.” I knew my mouth was open, and I tried to speak, but no words would come forth to fill the silence between us.

“I- I… Honestly? I had no intentions of coming here, Cosima.”

“Well then, how is it I find you naked in the water?” I blushed. Of course, I knew that I was naked, and i knew that Cosima could obviously see that, but I hadn’t expected her to point it out.

“I… I don’t know.” I stammered, “ _I_ should be asking _you_ the questions, Cosima!” I accused when I found myself again.

“Oh?” at this point, Cosima was reclined on a rock, one foot ankle-deep in the water.

“Yes.” I restated, “Why are you here, instead of heeding your summons.” Now, it was Cosima’s turn to blush. I turned away from her. In the pit of my stomach, I felt a mixture of several sensations and I didn’t know if any of them were particularly good. _Of course she saw your summons._ I tried my best to ignore the other part of that nagging thought _Of course she ignored your summons, stupid girl._

When Cosima still had not answered, I did so for her, “Because you didn’t want to see me. Because you were drunk last night, and you never wanted to kiss me in the first place. Of course. Please- just go, Cosima. I have suffered enough humiliation at your hand, don’t you think?”   
I felt tears welling up in my eyes, and when she still had not answered me, save for some soft noises, I whipped around. I had expected my glare to be met with a sneering Cosima, still reclined against the same rock. Instead, when I turned around, the only thing I saw was Cosima’s pale figure swimming toward me.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” she whispered to me when she was close enough.

“You are right, I fear I do not have a very open mind today, but I will do my best.” I tried to catch my breath, but I failed.

“I thought you would have my head for taking advantage of you in your vulnerable state. That your father’s men were searching for me to take me to the gallows.” I couldn’t help the smile that crept across my face.

Cosima hadn’t ignored me all day because she was avoiding me and the kiss. She was avoiding me because she was _afraid_. She thought I was going to have her arrested. A laugh ripped itself from my chest, uninvited. I looked at Cosima, a wild smile on my face, and she splashed me.

“I told you you wouldn’t believe me, you brat.”

“Excuse you, Cosima. I have a title, and it is _Your Majesty_  Brat.” She splashed me again and I rushed forward to hug her.

I was suddenly reminded that we were both severely lacking in clothing. I felt a tugging low in my stomach, and I knew I blushed because when I met Cosima’s eyes she giggled and asked me “-forget about something, _Your Majesty_?”

If it were possible, I got even redder, and before I could say a word, Cosima’s lips were pressed against mine.

“I’m so glad you didn’t want to arrest me,” she said quietly against my lips.

“Of course not. I may have been drunk last night, but I’m not touched in the head, Cosima.” I leaned forward and we were kissing again. 

We spent the rest of the daylight hours -and some of the moonlight hours- under the waterfall.

Wherever she was in those moments, I could almost hear Alison's resounding "I told you so."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long! And sorry it's so short! I promise I will do my best to make it up to y'all next chapter.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a few italicization (I guess that's a word now) issues, but that's okay. Use your imagination. (sorry, I'm feeling pretty sick rn)

| chapter six | cosima |

It had been about two and a half weeks since our first day spent in each other’s arms, under the waterfall- _our_ waterfall. I spent a great deal of time thinking of those moments. That is, of course, until Delphine told me about the tournament. In retrospect, I knew that something of the like was going to happen at some point in the future. After all, Delphine was… she was the Jewel of the Isles. The most beautiful woman in all the land. Of course her father couldn’t allow her to remain unmarried. Still, it didn’t stop me from hoping.

I had hoped a lot of things in the month or so that I’d known Delphine. One of them had been that I would be allowed the privilege of doing more than simply more than looking upon her ruby lips. That had come to be, so in my mind, I reasoned that it wouldn’t be so strange a thing for my other hopes to likewise become realities. I was sitting in my bed, hoping again, when my father came in to give me the week’s warning. He did this, predictably a week before we moved out of port. Every time we were in a port. So, I shouldn't have been surprised or shocked, but I was.

With the news of Delphine’s tournament looming over my head, I had completely forgotten that my time with the girl had been steadily dwindling, running away from me and slipping from between my fingers. I knew that no matter what port Father had stopped us in, we only ever spent two months there. I knew it so well that I never even thought to tell Delphine. I never even thought of it, because until I had met the Jewel, it hadn’t been important. She didn’t know, and I had forgotten, and there were so, so many hours that I wasted lusting after her, distracting myself from it with Nathalia, when I could have just told her how I felt. So many hours we could have spent together that we instead spent in stubborn separation or awkward silence. And so, when my father told me that I should get my affairs in order, the breath was knocked out of me. I was entirely surprised, and utterly ashamed that I would let such an important detail of such an important relationship go unmentioned. If he noticed, Father did as he usually would have, and graciously ignored.

I had taken care of so many things. Everything I needed to do, I had done. I had helped my father sell the entirety of our goods, I had repaired what I needed to. I had bought new clothing, I had even sewn what I could of Father’s clothing. Everything was ready for the journey. Ready for us to head back home. But I wasn’t. I hadn’t told Delphine the only thing she really needed to know. How could I have been so stupid? So careless?

Thankfully, in the wake of all my confusion and irritation, the situation with Nathalia had virtually taken care of itself. I was glad for it because at least that was one less heartache I would have to endure in so short a time. I had also forgotten that her time in the port was quite short despite her having told me the first night we met. I suppose I was so drunk I hadn’t cared. I had entirely forgotten that she would rest in King’s Isle Crossing for a short time until she continued her journey to her home. So, when she had come to me one day, almost directly after Delphine and I had parted for the evening, when she saw the tousled state my hair was in, the glow in my cheeks, my swollen lips and purpled neck and she laughed, I was thoroughly embarrassed and confused. And then I was worried that she was angry. Then she handed me a letter, and once again, I was confused.

When I asked her, “What is this? Why are you laughing?” she simply replied, “You will understand once you read it.”

In the letter, Nathalia told me about how she was very nervous that I would be hurt. She was sad to tell me, but she was leaving the next day. She didn’t want to be there when I finally learned of what was to happen, because she didn’t want to have to see me cry.

Once I read the letter, I figured out that she was laughing because she knew she had been upset and worried and nervous about everything for no reason. That I obviously would be fine in her absence. I was relieved as well, but also, far more offended than I thought I would be at the fact that she broke up with me by parchment. Did she not have the decency to end our affair in person? Nonetheless, I was still immensely glad to have put that behind me.

The morning after Nathalia essentially threw me to the side like a rotten fish, I had a marvelous idea: I couldn’t change the fact that I was leaving the town, but perhaps I could take Delphine with me. I spent the entire morning deliberating whether or not that was, in fact, a marvelous idea, let alone a good one.

On the one hand, I hated living out of a trunk, all I wanted was to go home again and not leave. I wanted to stay in one place for longer than a fortnight. I wanted an anchor more significant than the one that held the boat in place. I wanted an anchor to hold me.

On the other hand, Delphine was that anchor but was I strong enough to ask her to leave this place with me when I didn’t even want to leave? I thought of her eyes, and the comfort I had always found looking into them. I loved the brown-hazel-green of Delphine’s eyes. It reminded me of fresh dirt beneath my feet, rather than the blue of the ocean that I saw for days, sometimes weeks at a time, being from a fishing village in the west and traveling the Isles to sell, what else, fish. Delphine, to me,  represented an anchor, a tether, solid ground. Something to keep me from floating. Even though, I’ve never felt any closer to drifting off on the wind than when Delphine’s fingers are delicately tracing the veins in my wrist.

On yet another hand, perhaps with Delphine, it wouldn’t matter so much where I was, or if I was going to be staying there. Perhaps if Delphine came along with me, it would only matter that she was there.

I left immediately, ready to give her terrible news and pose a very important question. I can’t remember if I walked or ran to the palace. I only remember nearly crashing into several merchants in the streets on the way. When I got to the palace gates, I remember seeing Alison and Beth in front of me, giggling and red in the face.

“Hello Cosima, what brings you here this late in the evening?” Came Alison’s inquiry upon rounding on Beth, who had just given her a firm smack on the bottom, and seeing me.

“I just came to see Delphine. If you could let me in, I would greatly appreciate it.” I tried not to smile as Beth winked at me.

“She only lets me in, Strings.”

Alison went immediately more red than I had ever seen her. She snatched Beth my her shoulder and caller behind her as she and the other girl walked quickly away,

“Knock quickly three times, and then  knock once more. You know where her chamber is, I assume!”

At that, it was my turn to blush. Delphine had assured me that no one knew of our late-night visits.

* * *

 

| chapter six | delphine |

I couldn’t believe how simple it was, to be with Cosima. Especially when I compared it to being with the suitors from the tournament, or even before that. They were all so gruff, and some were even rude. None of them wanted me for anything they couldn’t see, unless it was hidden by my dress. No man ever thought to ask me a question more important than those pertaining to the weather or the fabric of my clothing.

But Cosima wanted me for more than that, and it always made me dizzy. I could talk to her for hours about things that no one else would dream to ask me about, and I loved it. Maybe I love her. I thought that maybe it was a bit soon to think that, but I also thought that maybe I had known it from the first moment I had seen her in the square, illuminated by the sunlight and singing of a goddess with a halo for hair.

We had spent most of our days and almost as many nights together since our first. With every kiss, every caress of skin, every brush of lips across lips, I was a little less nervous, and a little more amazed. I couldn’t begin to fathom the wonders that Cosima had seen, but every time she got the chance, she whispered them into our kisses, and sometimes, when she looked at me, when she didn’t think that I was awake, I felt as though I was more important to her than any of those things.

I was sitting on my bed, thinking of the many wonders that made up the void that was Cosima, thinking about just how long it would take me to get lost in that void, when I heard a knock at my chamber door. It was Alison’s knock, so immediately, I called out for entrance, but I was wonderfully surprised when Cosima walked through the doors in her place.

“Hello, my love.” I said, as soon as I saw her silver-adorned fingers wrapped around the handle of the door.

“Ah. Hello, Delphine. You’re looking radiant as ever.”

“As are you, cherie.”

She smiled and laid down next to me on my bed, and I was far too busy admiring her to realize that everything about her, every one of the nervous, energetic, lovely things about her, was slightly off. I was too enveloped in her to realize that a few of the reasons I was entangled in her were not the same as they were only the day before.

There was a look in her eyes that was different in every way possible from the hopeful, energetic, sometimes even manic one that peeked out from underneath her hazel brown irises on most days, and when I finally saw it, I was worried. With just one look into Cosima’s eyes, I could usually get a good picture of the girl’s mental state, but not today. She walked into my chambers and lied down next to me on my bed and I remember not saying a thing, just accepting that we would just lay there, that maybe there were things on her mind she didn’t want to talk about. I could understand that, though the tournament was something I rarely thought about. And now, it was as far away from my mind as anything was, with Cosima so close to me, looking into my eyes and smelling of the sea, disorienting me and making me forget about everything but the fact that her and I were so close to one another.

I looked into her eyes and I remember thinking that they were almost the same shade as mine. I thought, I like this color. But only in Cosima’s eyes. I favor blue. Blue dresses, blue skies, blue seas. I only wish I had blue eyes. I wished my eyes were blue so that, at least in one aspect, I could reflect the sky and the sea and the freedom I sorely lacked. I surely get no freedom here. Not living in the palace, being a woman. Blue meant walking for miles under the open sky and seeing the world. On my terms. But I’d hardly ever gotten to leave the city, let alone walk for miles in any direction I chose. I sighed heavily, and Cosima asked me what was wrong. I smiled a bit, and told her it was nothing. I was no longer smiling when she mumbled “not for long.”

I remember laughing, when Cosima told me. Because of course she was joking. She had to be. She would have told me sooner than one week until her departure. At least, that’s what I thought. I was swiftly proved wrong. I searched for the mischievous glint in her eyes that meant she was joking with me, to my dismay, I found none. She told me that she had a week left in the city, in the palace. In my arms. And then she asked me if I wanted to go with her. She told me I should think about it, and walked out of the room. My heart was no longer in my chest, it had taken up residence somewhere far lower than it should have. I thought I felt it in my foot.

I couldn’t bear the thought of losing Cosima after such a short time together, but at the same time, how could I leave? There was so much here. But there was so much more with her. I couldn’t leave the palace, my father would be… I laughed; my father would be furious. Alison would be heartbroken. She would probably ask me to take her with me. There were so many people that lived and worked in the castle that would miss me, and that I would miss. But again, I would miss Cosima more than any of them if I let her leave without me.

I couldn’t think straight, so I let my thoughts take me to all of the places that, deep down, I knew Cosima couldn’t. In those moments, I went on millions of adventures with Cosima. I was in the Southern Isles, walking through lush forests and listening as Cosima explained the plants and the animals to me, watching as she used nothing but a sword to protect us as we stomped through the underbrush.

I almost went to the Northern Isles with her, but then I remember that Natasha was in the North and I didn’t even want to think about her stupid blue eyes or her snarky words or her lips all over Cosima. I was in the West then, as quickly as I was in the South. I was sitting on the beach with Cosima. We held hands and looked out on the water and watched the sunset and we just existed. I didn’t let myself think it, but I knew from the moment she asked me that I already had my answer. I would have to tell her no. And every second I allowed myself to think that, I was crushed further.

So, I let myself dream. I thought a little more of her beautiful hazel eyes smiling at me, because I knew I wouldn’t see them again.

* * *

 

| chapter six | cosima |

I stood between a member of the crew and my father, the young man was outside the boat, handing me things from the stand to hand to my father. I let the mindless work take my mind off of what Delphine had told me the night before.

“No.” I had turned away so she wouldn’t see the tears welling up in my eyes.

“I want nothing more in this whole world, Cosima. But I cannot.” I walked away from her, so she wouldn’t hear the sobs escaping from my chest of their own volition.

“I’m sorry” she called out after me as I rounded the corner.

Her words echoed into every piece of my heart and soul and I felt more anchored to the spot than I ever had, and it was a million times worse than anything I had ever imagined it would be. That’s why I left, why I ran away from her. Because if that was what it felt like to be tethered to someone, maybe I was wrong. Maybe I didn’t truly want that, and perhaps it was a blessing that Delphine had said no. A blessing from Gods I never wanted to cross.

I allowed myself to be taken onto the ship and put onto my bed. I clung to my blanket and my sobs shook me just as the waves shook the boat. I had known that Delphine would say no, I had prepared myself for it, and rehearsed, in my head, several different versions of her rejections. But that did not change the fact that hearing those few words hurt worse than being stung by a scorpion, or bitten by a wolf, or getting a fishing hook stuck in my neck.

I couldn’t imagine a pain worse than the pain I was feeling, but I allowed myself to drift slowly back to my home. I thought of very little other than the fact that soon, I would be back home. My mother couldn’t fix everything, but there was something comforting about being able to go to her, to talk to her and tell her that I needed her and be received in her arms just the same as if I were a babe.

I was in more pain than I had ever been, physical or emotional, and I looked forward to the end of that voyage more than I ever had before.

* * *

 

| chapter six | delphine |

I kept replaying the scene in my head, over and over again. I had no idea what I was looking for or what purpose it would serve, but there I was, sitting on my bed, drinking the wine that Alison snuck up from the kitchens to me, and thinking about the way Cosima’s entire body had spoken of the pain I had caused her, even though she hadn’t said a word. I spent my time alternating between crying, and drinking, and reading, and putting poor Alison through the ramblings of a very sad, very confused, very drunk girl. Beth came in at some point between my crying in Alison’s lap and vomiting wine into the chamberpot, which Alison emptied after each visit.

“What ails with the Crown Jewel?” her words were not inherently insulting, but I gleaned her meaning from the tone she used. With the mood I was in, I might’ve had her clapped to the stocks if Alison were not so fond of her.

“Beth! Get out, you mustn’t-”

“No, Alison,” I cut her off. “If Beth wants, she can stay.”

“Believe me, your highness, I do not wish to stay any more than you do.” She laughed at her own joke, which I did not find nearly as amusing as she did. “Which begs the question, why do you not just leave?”

At that, I actually laughed, it must have actually scared Alison because a yelp escaped from her as she jumped.

“Oh, Beth, it’s far too late now. She’s already two days gone. And even if it weren’t, I cannot just leave. I am a princess.”

She looked at me quizzically, and I hiccupped, “And what exactly about you being a princess prevents you from leaving?”

If Beth had asked me the day before, I would have been able to give her an answer. It would have been well thought-out and I would have had at least some conviction. However, at that moment, when I had nothing to say in reply to Beth, I realized I had made a grave mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have to say for myself is that I am truly sorry. The next chapter will be a lot more fulfilling for everyone involved.


End file.
